


And If We Fall, We're Going To Be Just Fine

by seraphichan



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: (they don't last long lmao), Because I can, Canon Compliant, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Original Character(s), an itty bit of eruhan if you squint, takes place from the end of acwnr to trost
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:27:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8095084
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seraphichan/pseuds/seraphichan
Summary: It’s trust, Levi comes to realize. The same fondness he had for Isabel and Farlan. A sense of faith and family.It’s also something different. A desire to be around Mike, be with him, at any time and for any reason - his presence both too much and not enough, and it weighs on Levi. He can’t place this feeling and it irritates him that he can’t understand it. Sometimes it’s all he can think about. Mostly he keeps it pressed down deep and pretends it isn’t there.Until he can't ignore it anymore.(my very late submission for the SNK MiniBang 2016)





	

**Author's Note:**

> Phew! Finally finished!
> 
> If you're here, thanks for giving this fic a read! It's the longest thing I've ever written in one go, so even for all the faults it's sure to have, I'm quite proud of it.
> 
> ALSO you should go check out the awesome art made for it [here <3](http://sta.sh/0d00g24b2k9)

“Tell him to stop,” Levi says early one morning after barging into Erwin’s office.

“You’ll have to be more specific,” Erwin answers, not bothering to glance up from the paperwork in front of him.

“Mike. Tell him to fuck off and stop watching me.”

Erwin sighs in a way that says he expected this conversation to happen, but was hoping it didn’t. “I’m afraid it’s not up to me.”

“Why?”

“Because I didn’t tell him to do it in the first place.”

Levi squints at Erwin, not fully believing him, but not being able to prove that he’s lying either.

“So what...he doesn’t trust me?”

“I’m sure that’s part of it.”

Levi taps his finger impatiently on Erwin’s desk. “And the rest?”

“It’s in his nature to worry for others. He always keeps an eye out for his fellow soldiers, especially after…”

“After?” Levi prompts.

Erwin flicks his gaze up. “Loss.” He doesn’t elaborate, doesn’t say their names.

He doesn’t have to.

“I’m not like other soldiers,” Levi says through gritted teeth.

Erwin’s eyes stay on him a moment longer before returning to his paperwork. “I have every confidence that you two can work it out.”

“Or you could just order him to--”

“Levi.”

“Fine.”

Levi turns sharply on his heel and stomps out of the office, slamming the door shut behind him as he goes. If Erwin won’t do anything, then he’ll just have to take care of it himself.

++++++++++

He skips breakfast, and the relentless watch from Mike that would have come with it. Instead Levi waits on the rooftop until training begins, the three loud rings of the brass bell in the tower above the barracks calling him down to the yard.

Hand to hand combat is always first. It is a drill Levi normally despises taking part in. None of the other soldiers offer any challenge, and he would prefer to practice with the gear anyway, but today he is eager. He lurks at the back of the group until they are told to split into pairs, then he weaves his way through the crowd and stands before Mike.

Usually Mike stands on the sides, gives pointers here and there, gentle demonstrations. No one actually spars with him. He is one of the most physically intimidating soldiers in the Corps.

Not that Levi cares.

He folds his arms over his chest and squares his shoulders in challenge. Mike stares at him, unmoving, and Levi thinks he might refuse, but eventually Mike takes his stance, shifting his weight to the balls of his feet and raising his fists protectively around his head.

Levi takes in a deep breath, launching himself forward as he releases it.

Mike dodges his first punch easily enough, blocks the second. Levi kicks at him and Mike blocks that as well. He continues to charge at Mike, and Mike continues to dance around his attacks, doesn’t even try to hit back.

It’s pissing Levi off. He wants Mike to fight him, knows he can because he did as much in the Underground.

Levi feints a wide right hook. Mike moves his arms up to block and Levi takes the opening to step in close and punch upwards, a sense of satisfaction washing over him when he feels his fist connect hard.

Mike grabs Levi by the shoulders and shoves him away, stumbles back a few steps with a hand to his face.

Levi takes a few steps back as well. He looks down and sees blood on his knuckles. Mike’s blood.

“Hey...maybe you two should stop,” someone from the mass of watching soldiers says.

Levi ignores them. He’s not done yet.

He attacks again, jabbing his fist at Mike’s ribs. This time Mike doesn’t dodge. He takes the hit with a grunt and grips Levi’s arm. Levi turns his body and brings his leg up to kick him, but Mike spins with him, swiping his own leg underneath Levi and knocking him off balance.

Levi lands heavily on the ground on his stomach. He scrambles to get up, but Mike is already on him. He pins Levi down with a knee pressing sharply into his back, and his hand grinding Levi’s face into the dirt. Mike’s other hand still has hold of Levi’s forearm, twisting it like he means to break it.

“Tap out,” Mike says gruffly.

“Fuck you,” Levi spits, struggling against him. He hisses when Mike yanks roughly on his arm, pulling his shoulder out of the socket.

“Tap out.”

Growling, Levi reaches back with his free hand and claws at any part of Mike he can reach, not stopping even after the other soldiers reach in to pull them apart.

++++++++++

Levi grunts when the medic realigns his shoulder. He rotates it once it’s set, testing it. The movement is there, but the muscles are sore. He’s had worse, not that the knowledge makes it any less unpleasant to deal with.

“Lift your arm,” the medic says, sling in her hand.

“I don’t need it,” Levi says, leaning away.

“But you’ll take it anyway. You shouldn’t put stress on your shoulder for the next few days. This will help with that,” she states matter-of-factly, holding the sling forward and waiting.

“...Fine,” he agrees if only to get her to leave him alone. He’ll just take it off later when she’s not looking.

“Thank you,” she says curtly, looping it around his arm and tying it tightly at the juncture of his neck and shoulder. She tugs on it when it’s done to make sure it’s secure, nodding at her handiwork before turning to Mike.

“Let’s have a look at you.”

Mike removes the cloth that he’s been using to wipe away the blood from his face. His nose is swollen and his left eye is starting to go black. It must hurt, but he stays stills as the medic prods gently at the injury.

She hums thoughtfully before taking Mike’s nose between her fingers.

“Ready?” she asks.

Mike tenses and nods.

She flicks her wrist and there is a muffled pop. “Move it,” she commands.

Mike does, wiggling it back and forth, up and down. He sneezes, wincing slightly.

“I’ll have you come back once the swelling is down to make sure it’s set right. Try not to run head on into anything in the meantime,” she says jokingly, patting his cheek.

“Thanks, Nadi.”

“Welcome. Now stay put while I go fetch the commander. He’ll want to reprimand you. Both of you,” she says, looking pointedly at Levi as he stands to go.

Levi frowns at her and sits back down.

“Behave,” Nadi says airily, waving her hand behind her as she leaves.

As soon as she is gone Levi pulls at the knot of the sling, loosening it enough that he can take it off and fling it away. He can feel Mike staring at him as he does it.

Again.

Levi scowls at the floor until he can’t take it anymore. “What do you want?” he snarls, eyes snapping up to glare at Mike.

“Nadi’s not going to like that you took it off.”

Levi blinks. This isn’t the answer he expected. He opens his mouth, realizes he doesn’t know what to say, closes it.

He is still trying to think of how to respond when he hears footsteps coming down the hallway. Seconds later Nadi enters the room, followed closely by Erwin. Shaddis is nowhere to be seen and Levi raises an eyebrow.

“Commander Shaddis is busy with a potential backer, and asked me to handle it. Of course I agreed. A tour of the infirmary to deal with two overzealous soldiers isn’t going to do us any good in earning funding,” Erwin states to their silent, curious stares. “So...sparring got out of hand, did it?”

It’s not a question to be answered so neither of them do.

The air is thick with disappointment as he looks between Levi and Mike. This is not what Erwin meant by work it out, and whether he had a similar conversation with Mike as he did with Levi or not, Erwin obviously expected better from the both of them.

“As punishment you will both be on stable duty for the rest of the day,” he says after a while.

Levi sneers at him. Mike sighs loudly and longly.

“Do not do this again,” Erwin says sternly before turning and leaving.

“Tough break,” Nadi pipes up once Erwin is gone, going over to pat Mike on the shoulder. “And you,” she says, stepping in front of Levi as he stands to go. “You forgot something.”

Nadi points to the discarded sling and Levi glares at her.

“I told you I don’t need it.”

“I will follow you to that stable if I have to,” she threatens.

Levi lets her put it back on and pretends that he can’t see Mike’s smug smile out of the corner of his eye.

+++++++++++

Levi feels vulnerable with his arm trapped against him like this, but it gets him out of shoveling shit, so he deals with the inconvenience of it and grabs a brush to groom the horses instead. He returns the smug smile Mike gave him in the infirmary as Mike picks up the shovel and stares regretfully into the first stall, nose twitching in discomfort already, and then wanders down to the opposite end of the barn to begin.

Levi soon finds out it’s not as easy as he thought it would be. The horses tolerate his presence for a short time, but when he starts to pick at the burs stuck in their tails, or try to remove the dirt caked in their hooves, they snort and trot away, and will not be made to stand still again.

So he moves to the next stall, and when it happens again, to the one after that.

The only horse that cooperates is his own. She seems delighted to see him - nibbling at his clothes and snuffling at his hair - though he can’t imagine why. He’s ridden her less than ten times, formation practice included, and he’s never given her anything special - like carrots pilfered from the kitchens - as he’s seen some of the other soldiers do.

“She likes you a lot.”

Levi turns at Mike’s voice, wonders how long he’s been standing there and watching him this time, and why he didn’t notice like he normally does.

“Tea?” Mike asks, holding one of two tin mugs in his hands out towards Levi.

The steam billowing out from it is enticing, but Levi doesn’t move to take it.

“Okay,” Mike sighs, walking over to a hay bale by the entrance to the stables. He flops onto it, setting Levi’s mug on the ground before leaning back and putting his own to his lips.

Levi stays by his horse, eyeing Mike warily. Only when the mare starts to lick and chew at his hair does he push her nose away and go over to sit as well. He perches on the very edge of the bale and picks up the mug at his feet, glaring at the liquid inside.

It seems that, despite Levi punching him in the face and breaking his nose, Mike is trying. Levi understands that this is the moment where he should be trying, too, for Erwin’s sake at least. The only problem being he has no idea where to start.

“You’re face looks like shit,” he begins, “and I’m not sorry.”

“Better you take it out on me than someone else.”

“So you wanted me to punch you?”

“No, but I can’t say I’m surprised.”

“You’re an ass.”

“And you’re stubborn.”

Levi scoffs. “Why? Because I don’t like you constantly watching me like I’m going to jump someone? Because I won’t accept your pity?”

“It’s not pity.”

“Then what is it?”

Mike shrugs. “Concern. An offer to help.”

“...Help?” Levi asks in disbelief.

Mike nods.

“Why would you want to help me?”

“Why not?”

“I tried to kill Erwin.”

“Are you trying to kill him now?”

“No...but it’s not like you trust me anyway.”

“You haven’t earned it.”

“And you haven’t earned mine,” Levi fires back.

Mike pauses, takes another sip from his mug. “Fair enough.”

They go quiet for a short time and then Levi asks, “Did Erwin put you up to it?”

“Let’s just say he didn’t tell me not to.”

“I fucking knew it.”

“Don’t go punching him, too.”

“Can’t fight someone who never leaves his damn office.”

Mike huffs in agreement.

They lapse into silence again after that, an oddly comfortable one. The conversation isn’t perfect by any means, but it is progress, and Levi feels somehow pleased about it. He brings the mug of tea he’s been ignoring until then up to his mouth and takes a drink.

Then immediately spits it back out.

“What’s wrong?” Mike asks.

“You burnt it.”

“Huh.” Mike takes a drink and shrugs. “I guess? I never really make it for anyone but Erwin and he never complains. He puts so much sugar in it anyway.”

“Ever think that’s why he puts so much in?”

Mike tilts his head to the side as if he never had considered that before.

“I’m surprised he’s still alive,” Levi says.

Mike rolls his eyes. “It’s not that bad.”

Levi wrinkles his nose in a way that suggests it definitely is.

++++++++++

Everything seems to soften after that. Not just the tension between him and Mike, but with the other soldiers as well. It’s like Mike is the gatekeeper, and now that he’s let Levi in, everyone else is suddenly there.

They sit with him during meals, invite him to walk into town on their days off. They even help him clean, however poorly. It’s a lot at first, but Levi gets used to it. He welcomes the normalcy of declining to go out for drinks, and then arriving hours later at the bar to tell them how useless they all are and help drag themselves back to base.

He’ll think of Isabel and Farlan sometimes, go up to the roof when those memories become too overwhelming and takes in air in huge gulps until it becomes easier to breathe. Mike will join him after he’s had time, because, just as Erwin said, it’s in Mike’s nature to be a worried prick even after all this time. He brings Levi tea that tastes like piss, but Levi drinks it anyway. It’s warm and welcome, much like Mike’s gaze, which still follows him.

And Levi will catch himself watching Mike, too. Sometimes it’s because someone tells a bad joke in the mess that makes them seek each other out and jointly shake their heads at how ridiculous it is. Or there’s a titan incoming in the field, and they dance around each other to take it out, landing on the ground side by side in triumph until Mike’s nose twitches and they remount their horses for the next attack. Or they’re in Erwin’s office as he rambles on and on, grinning as they watch his cheeks go rosy with the booze they slipped into his tea and is finally taking effect.

It’s trust, Levi comes to realize. The same fondness he had for Isabel and Farlan. A sense of faith and family.

It’s also something different. A desire to be around Mike, be with him, at any time and for any reason - his presence too much and not enough, and it weighs on Levi. He can’t place this feeling and it irritates him that he can’t understand it. Sometimes it’s all he can think about. Mostly he keeps it pressed down deep and pretends it isn’t there.

++++++++++

It doesn’t become something Levi can no longer ignore until a few months later.

They are running maneuvering drills with a new batch of soldiers that arrived just in time for an expedition, their last before winter. All the officers decided that the best way to keep them alive in the dangers of the field was to practice until they pass out in the safety of the walls.

It’s going smoothly enough until they get to a certain formation - a group attack meant to be used on taking out multiple titans in the very close confines of a forested area - and one recruit in Levi’s group keeps screwing up. It’s not an overly complicated set of movements, in Levi’s opinion, but Levi suspects the bravado he swaggered in with has faded, nervousness and dread taking it’s place, making him sloppy.

After the fifth failed attempt, and a lot of dry heaving once the recruit gets to solid ground, Mike steps in to take his place, telling him to watch until he thinks he can do it and is comfortable trying it again.

“You’re too soft,” Levi says as they take their positions at the starting point.

“Wouldn’t have to be if you would stop glaring at him like you mean for his head to explode,” Mike answers.

Levi looks at the recruit, watches as he flinches when he notices Levi’s gaze, and shrugs.

“I wasn’t trying to, it just happens naturally when people are piss poor at something they shouldn’t be.”

“Try not to be too disappointed in me.”

“I know you won’t mess up.”

And he doesn’t.

Mike crosses his path several times, and each time his movements are perfect.

And each time Levi's eyes are drawn to him. 

It’s not like Mike is moving any differently than before. He still launches himself off trees and spirals through the air with a grace that is impressive for someone who’s so large. It’s nothing Levi hasn’t noticed before, but he still can’t keep himself from watching how he twists and bends, how the muscles of his back bunch and flex beneath the straps of his gear.

Levi wonders if they move like that when Mike’s doing other things. He wonders how they would feel beneath his fingers when they move. If he could just touch--

The thought startles Levi, and he shoots too soon, the grappling hook of his gear going high and striking a thin branch that breaks under his weight. Levi curses as he starts to fall, twisting himself mid air and shooting the hook again. He hits another branch, a thicker one that holds this time, and swings into the side of a tree, arm dragging roughly across the bark until he kicks himself away and spins out, finally coming to a stop when he smacks into the makeshift titan he was supposed to kill with an audible thud.

Everyone stares in surprised, stunned silence, and the glade is quiet until Levi hears the hiss of gas and whir of gears. Mike flies in, landing next to where Levi dangles, still slightly dazed.

“You alright?”

“...Fine,” Levi says a little more breathlessly than he would like, trying to both ignore how close Mike is and how Mike’s shoulders shake with barely restrained laughter.

“You sure?” he asks, tone a bit more serious.

Levi nods.

“Hm...well, you better go see Nadi anyway.”

Levi looks up at him, one eyebrow cocked in confusion. “Why?”

Mike points to his arm, the one that scraped against the tree. The scratches there are not bleeding, but they are red and irritated, and there are splinters embedded into his skin from the bark. It doesn’t hurt. The only thing that really stings is his pride.

“It’s nothing. I can keep going.”

“She’ll nag you if you let it go.”

Levi sighs because he knows Mike is right.

“If it’s any consolation, I think you made Elliot feel better,” Mike says, nodding towards the recruit he replaced that is hiding a smile behind his hand. “Guess that means you’re going soft, too,” he teases.

Levi scoffs, propelling himself to the ground, middle finger up at Mike the entire time.

++++++++++

When he gets to the infirmary Nadi already has tweezers in her hand.

“I saw,” she says in answer to Levi’s raised eyebrow, nodding to the row of windows that looks out onto the training grounds. “How unlike you,” she tuts, tiny smile on her face as she gestures for him to sit.

“You seem happy enough about it,” Levi grumbles. He sits heavily on the chair next to Nadi, gear clanking around his hips.

“Yeah, well, it’s kind of funny,” she says as she waits patiently for him to roll up the torn sleeve of his shirt.

Nadi works in silence when he’s done, deftly picking the small pieces of wood out of his skin. She’s almost finished before she speaks again.

“You know, there’s a saying I heard once. Not sure where it’s from, but it goes ‘Can’t see the forest for all the trees’.”

“Okay?” Levi says slowly.

“In this case I think it’s just one very specific...tree,” she emphasizes the word, staring at him meaningfully.

Levi stiffens, but manages to keep his face neutral. “I don’t get it.”

“Hm, things like this can be a bit confusing, yes,” she says as she removes the last splinter, then she smears an ointment onto his skin and wraps a bandage around his arm. “All set.”

Levi grunts his thanks as he stands and takes long, quick strides to the door.

“Don’t be a stranger!” Nadi calls after him as he steps into the hallway.

Levi avoids her for a week.

++++++++++

He can’t avoid Mike, though.

It’s easy enough at first. The expedition keeps Levi occupied, and once they return there’s a lot to do to prepare for winter. But once snow starts to fall and the ground goes slick with ice it gets harder for Levi to make excuses.

He still tries, though, ignoring the confused and concerned glances from Mike, and the prying questions from Hange. He’s convinced that separation will do him good, make him shake those unnecessary feelings. Levi makes it only a few days after the first storm before he caves.

Levi doesn’t say anything the first time he sits next to Mike in the mess hall, foot bumping Mike’s under the table. He doesn’t say anything when he starts walking closer to Mike in the halls, their arms sometimes brushing as they go.

Mike doesn’t either. In fact he seems to be enjoying it.

So Levi sees how far he can go.

Erwin’s office is one of the warmest rooms in any of the buildings. And it’s relatively quiet, unlike the mess. Hange is already there, crowded around Erwin’s desk, babbling about something. Erwin has his hand on the inkwell - past experiences have taught him to make sure it’s steady whenever Hange is so animated - as he listens intently, fondness in his eyes. Mike sits on couch, paper in his hands. It’s something signed by Shaddis which explains the frown he wears as he reads it.

“This weather sucks,” Levi says as he comes around the couch and sits next to Mike, barely any space between them.

“It does,” Mike agrees once Levi is seated, face softening a bit.

Levi hums, relaxing into the cushions and slinging his arm behind Mike, fingers dancing along the back of Mike’s neck.

Mike shivers.

“What’s wrong? Getting a little chilly?”

“Maybe,” Mike answers, clearing his throat.

Levi slides himself closer so that their thighs are pressed together and he can feel Mike breath.

“How’s that?”

++++++++++

“Perfect,” Mike says later as he puts a third finger inside Levi.

“Shut up,” Levi says even though the compliment makes him rock his hips back onto Mike’s fingers harder. His breath hitches when Mike hooks his fingers.

Mike pauses for a moment, then does it again, massaging at the same spot until Levi is shivering.

“Mike,” Levi whines, voice trembling, “if you keep that up I’m gonna--fuck. Stop, stop.”

Mike does, removing his fingers. “Too much?”

“You think?”

Mike chuckles. “Sorry.”

Levi reaches behind him and swats at Mike’s arm because he’s definitely not.

“It’s okay if you want to come,” Mike says, fingers coming back to trace the rim of his hole, ready to dip back in and find the spot again.

“Idiot. I want to come on your cock.”

Mike sucks in a sharp breath.

“Just give me a minute.”

Mike nods, occupying himself by running his hands up and down Levi’s back, tracing nonsense patterns into Levi’s skin. It’s distracting enough that it brings Levi away from the edge, and before long he’s shivering from anticipation instead.

“Alright, alright I’m good. C’mon,” he says, wiggling his hips impatiently.

He hears Mike fumble with the jar of oil, then Mike spreads Levi’s cheeks and he feels Mike against him, slick and hard.

“Okay?” Mike asks.

Levi nods and Mike begins to inch in slowly, rubbing as Levi’s lower back to help him relax.

“Fuck,” Levi breathes airily when Mike bottoms out.

“Shit,” Mike groans. He grabs Levi’s hips to steady him and pulls out, thrusts back in with a sigh. He starts slow, rhythm becoming faster and more punishing the closer he gets.

Levi has to press his face into the mattress, eyes shut tight, when he comes. He the bites pillow, shuddering and moaning, tightening around Mike’s cock.

It isn’t long before Mike is coming too. He falls forward onto his forearms, chest pressing against Levi’s back and nose buried in Levi’s hair, inhaling deeply.

They both sink onto the bed then, Mike flopping on his side and Levi rolling so he’s facing him, and they fall asleep, breathing as one.

++++++++++

The knock at the door has Levi snapping awake, eyes wide as he orients himself. He can’t see, and he thinks it might still be dark until he realizes his face is squished into Mike’s chest. He wriggles backwards as another series of knocks sound, kicking Mike in the shin as he does.

“Ow,” Mike grumbles, eyes still closed, arms blindly reaching out to grab Levi and reel him back in.

Levi smacks his hands away. “There’s someone at the door, go answer it.”

Another knock, and then--

“Mike?”

“It’s fucking Erwin,” Levi hisses.

That seems to wake Mike up fully and he throws himself out of bed, grabbing his pants and practically falling over in his haste to put them on as he goes to the door.

Levi scoots off the edge of the bed and, unable to locate his own pants, grabs his underwear, pulling them up his legs quickly. Yes, he's sure Erwin noticed them basically fondling each other in his office, but that doesn’t make it any less mortifying to be caught the morning after. He hastily puts on his shirt, which he has to pull out from where it somehow got shoved partially under the bed, and begins to button it up, just in case Erwin decides to actually come in.

But when Mike backs into the room the only thing that follows is a tray with a kettle and two porcelain cups. He walks over to the desk by the window and sets the tray down, leaning against the desk and sighing deeply through his nose. It’s then that Levi notices how pink his cheeks are.

“What? What did he say?”

Mike shakes his head, gestures to the tray, and Levi shuffles quickly over to the desk. There is a note there, neat script written on a tiny square of paper.

I’m glad you both worked it out -Erwin

Levi reads it a few more times before pulling out the chair from the desk and flopping into it. He puts his head in his hands and groans.

“I cannot believe he delivered us ‘congratulations on the sex’ tea.”

“It’s better than the alternative,” Mike says as he pours both of them a cup.

Levi looks up at him through his fingers, takes the tea when Mike offers, and waits for him to continue.

“It could have been Hange.”

“Small miracles,” Levi says, leaning back. He lifts one leg up to prop his foot on the edge of the desk next to Mike and folds the other up onto the chair, settling back into it before taking a sip of tea.

Then spitting it back out.

Mike raises an eyebrow at him.

“No wonder he never complains, neither of you have any taste.”

Mike looks into his own cup and ventures a drink. “I think it’s fine.”

“Like I said, no taste.”

“Must be why I like you.”

“Asshole,” Levi says, nudging him in the hip with his foot.

Mike grins and nudges him back until Levi finds himself smiling too.

++++++++++

“Might as well congratulate you on becoming commander now because this plan is shit,” Levi says, frowning as he throws the papers onto Erwin’s desk. They splay out and slide off, and Levi has to fight the compulsive need to pick them back up. Instead he perches himself on the arm of the couch next to Mike and leans heavily on Mike’s shoulder, arms crossed.

The fundraiser was a pain - Levi didn’t want to go in the first place, he was bored the entire time and not even the abundance of wine made it any better - but they got the money they were looking for. Apparently, the tale of Levi’s rise from the Underground was so awe inspiring that the pledges just poured in.

But, even if it was all Erwin’s doing, the money went to Shaddis as active commander, and it was Shaddis who decided how to use it. Maybe he felt slighted that Erwin got all the attention, or maybe he realizes this might be his last hurrah as commander.

In Levi’s mind, neither were an excuse to abandon Erwin’s progress in favor of something outdated and proven, time and again, to lose lives.

“Absolute shit.”

Erwin hunches over his desk and sighs, fingers steepled in front of his face. “I agree that this plan is considerably more...ill-advised that I would like.”

“So let us go,” Hange pleads.

“More people might make it back alive,” Mike pipes up.

“You shouldn’t be going alone,” Levi adds.

“I won’t be alone. I’ll be alongside one hundred other skilled men and women.”

“Plus three if you would just--”

“No, Hange. If I should perish in the line of duty--”

“Erwin--”

“--I am trusting you three to--”

“Stop being stubborn and--”

“The matter is closed,” he barks. “You three will stay and I will hear nothing more about it.”

“But--” Hange starts.

“Dismissed,” Erwin says, tone sharp. 

They all twitch, muscles trained to obey the order, but after a few moments of hesitation none of them move from where they are.

Erwin eyes bounce between them, gaze steely, but eventually he sighs heavily and closes his eyes, lips turning up into a small smile of defeat. “You’re all wonderful friends, but horrible soldiers.”

“Please,” Levi scoffs, “we’re the best.”

“All the more reason I need you all to stay here. Should anything go amiss at least you’ll be able to carry the Survey Corps further in my absence.”

Levi grits his teeth. He understands that, they all do, but that doesn’t mean they have to like it.

“Fine...but the plan is still shit.”

“Yes, it is.” Erwin gathers the papers from the floor and adds them to the ones that managed to stay on the desk, tapping them together until they are stacked neatly again. “And that’s why I plan to do everything I can to get him to reconsider. Wish me luck,” he says.

++++++++++

Luck, ingenuity, persistence. Erwin has it all, and all of it is wasted on Shaddis, the man suddenly and miraculously having grown a backbone in the one instance where it would be better if he didn’t have it.

It frustrates Levi, so he can only imagine how Erwin feels. After a week of trying and failing, he gives up on persuading Shaddis and puts all his energy into doing what he can by working with the soldiers. He practices with them dusk to dawn, eats with them; all things the things he normally misses because he’s crammed into his office, ink staining his hands instead of dirt.

Levi doesn’t see any major improvements take hold, but Erwin inspires them just by being there, so as they saddle their horses a few days later and pack their supplies, they are confident. That might be all it takes, Levi thinks, for them to survive.

But he still feels uneasy.

The bell above the barrack rings, signaling that they will depart soon. Levi’s not one for goodbyes, but he steps forward anyway, walks up to a brown and white speckled mare, taps on the boot of the rider.

Elliot turns and smiles down at him, bravado from that first day back in full force.

Levi’s grown fond of Elliot, for whatever reason, so he feels like he should say something to him. Good luck, maybe. Be safe. Instead what comes out is a very angry sounding “Don’t die.”

Elliot’s smile falters a bit, but it returns as he salutes Levi. “Yes, sir!”

Levi scowls at him. “I’m not an officer, you idiot.”

“You’re as bossy as one.”

“Cheeky shit.” Levi pauses. “I mean it, though. Don’t die.”

“I don’t plan to.”

++++++++++

No one ever plans to.

Fifteen.

That is all that are left.

Elliot, along with a handful of other soldiers Levi knew by name, isn’t among them. But Erwin is there.

Relief floods Levi. He and Mike run towards his horse, Hange pushing passed them to squeeze Erwin in a tight embrace as soon as he dismounts. His movements are slow, weary, as he hugs her back; and his head hangs low, guilt sitting heavily on his shoulders.

“I’m sorry,” Erwin apologizes to the three of them.

“Stupid,” Levi says, and he hopes Erwin understands Levi means he’s not to blame.

He steps forward then, rests his forehead on Erwin’s arm. Mike follows him, wraps them all in a large hug, and they stand there as one until Erwin’s horse noses at him and he excuses himself to take her to the stables. Hange lingers only a few more moments before going after him.

And then it is just Levi and Mike, and an unbearable quiet that is far too loud.

++++++++++

The sun is beginning to set when the ground trembles. 

It’s barely noticeable, but Levi knows Mike felt it as well when he stops trailing his fingers through Levi’s hair. They share a look of confusion, then Levi props himself up on his elbows, head turning to look out the window.

“What the hell is that?” he asks when he spots the large column of white smoke billowing into the sky above Shiganshina.

“Nothing good,” Mike answers.

They rush to the courtyard, joining the other soldiers that noticed the smoke, murmurs of ‘Must be a fire’ and ‘That’s not the right color, idiot,” buzzing around them. Erwin is ordering a few of the other officers to ready their horses to ride into the city, but the bell clangs before they can leave.

“Rider incoming!” the person in the tower shouts.

They all pause, wait, and soon a Garrison soldier sweeps into the courtyard. He rides up to Erwin and salutes.

“Sir!” he says, face pale with fear, the fist over his heart shaking.

“What is it?”

“Sh-Shiganshina is lost! Wall Maria has fallen to the titans!”

++++++++++

The days go by in a blur. Levi sleeps, eats, but it doesn’t feel like it. Tiredness has seeped into his bones in a way he doesn’t think will ever leave them. Every time he blinks his vision swims with faces covered in blood. Alive, dead, titan - he can’t tell anymore. And in his ears all he hears is Humanity’s Strongest ringing in a never ending round.

It’s what they’re calling him now, and Levi doesn’t want it, doesn’t deserve it, not when he was just doing as he was told.

“It’s the first time they have hope that is tangible,” Erwin explains when Levi tells him as much.

They arrive at the new Survey Corps headquarters within Wall Rose together, and together they guide their horses into the stables. Levi is glad to see other horses already there, glad that they are not the only ones to return.

“We tell them that we are making progress, that what we do is for the greater good. That we are strong. They never truly believe it,” Erwin continues as he removes the gear from his horse, “but now I think they will.”

Levi watches as Erwin’s eyes light up with possibilities, his mind already working, thinking of how they can turn this tragedy into an advantage. Levi expects nothing less of him. It’s one of the things he admires about Erwin the most.

“At any rate, it should be enough for us to recover.”

Levi knows he means not only their numbers, but their funding as well, both which will need a boost after Shaddis’s debacle.

“I’ve heard pigs can sometimes be pretty smart,” Levi says.

Erwin’s mouth twitches into a smile.

Their horses taken care of, they get ready to head inside, but the distant thunder of hooves gives them pause, and they wait to see who it is. 

Levi’s breath catches in his throat when they walk into the stable. “Mike,” he croaks.

Mike looks up, eyes widening, seeming just as taken aback to see them as well.

“I’m happy you’re back,” Erwin says to Mike, then he turns to Levi. “You did well. Get some rest.”

“You too,” Levi says, trying to tear his eyes away from Mike and failing.

“Of course,” Erwin says as if he wouldn’t dream of doing anything else.

Levi did not see Hange’s horse and knows Erwin will be up all night.

Erwin claps Mike on the shoulder as he passes him, then he is gone. Levi and Mike stand in silence, eyes flitting over each other, searching for injuries, anything that might be out of place.

“You look good,” Mike says eventually, walking up to Levi so that they stand mere inches apart.

“You look like shit.”

Mike snorts, mouth breaking into a grin, and Levi pulls him down to kiss him.

++++++++++

Erwin steps into the position of commander without pomp. It suits him. He deserves it. But it hardly solves their problems. Erwin is one of the greatest minds within the walls, but it’s hard to make a difference when there are still so many idiots above him.

The Reclamation.

Selective slaughter. Mass execution. A necessity.

Levi can call it whatever he wants, but in the end it’s just another shitty plan made by another shitty leader that he has no power to stop.

None of the Military Police volunteer to take part, which surprises no one, and only a few of the Garrison can stomach an expedition that is sure to be what leads them to death, so it’s up to the Survey Corps to fill in the gaps.

Levi volunteers to go. Mike and Hange, too.

“You will stay here,” Levi orders later that day, much as Erwin did to him.

“Oh?” Nadi asks, rechecking the satchel of medical supplies she will be taking with her. “Levi, are you trying to pull rank on me?”

“Yes,” he says, hating the way his voice breaks.

“The good thing about being a medic,” Nadi begins as she closes her bag, “is I can patch myself up.” She turns to Levi and pats him on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll come back.”

She doesn’t. Most of them don’t. It’s deja vu, and Levi wakes up for weeks after, dripping with cold sweat. All he wants to do is scream and fight. All he can do is cling to Mike, and Mike clings to him.

And they hold each other together.

++++++++++

“Things always get worse before they get better,” Erwin says.

“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth,” Levi tells him.

“I think he just means things are finally looking up.”

“Exactly. Thank you, Mike,” Erwin says, lifting his head in triumph, shit eating grin on his face.

“Don’t encourage him,” Levi scoffs, elbowing Mike in the side.

“Oh, but, Levi, aren’t you excited?” Hange shouts, voice ringing in Levi’s ears as she flings her arms around his shoulders. “You get to choose your own squad. And Mike, too. And me!” 

“Get off.” Levi swats Hange away, ignoring her exaggerated pout and turning his attention back to the training field. They received a record number of recruits this year, many of them very promising.

“Has anyone caught your eye?” Erwin asks as if reading his mind.

“The girl with the reddish brown hair...and onion head,” Levi answers, pointing at them.

“Petra and Gunther,” Mike supplies.

“You really should learn their names, you know,” Hange says.

“I will,” Levi says, eyes following the arc of the girl’s attack against one of the dummy titans. It’s neat and efficient, if not a little slow. There is always room for improvement. “If they survive.”

++++++++++

Levi learns Petra and Gunther’s names, and Oluo’s and Eld’s. He pretends to be mad at Mike for claiming Nanaba for his squad before Levi could. He does not pretend that Hange is anything less than a handful and tells Moblit this repeatedly until the poor kid is even more fidgety than he was before, but also more determined to keep her from getting into trouble, which Levi is grateful for, though he won’t tell Moblit that.

The increased number of recruits brings an increased number of sponsors as well. It seems, much like Erwin said, that things are starting to take a turn for the better.

They are constantly busy, but, still, Levi and Mike try to find time together. Whether it’s one of them dragging the other into a supplies cupboard to make out like a couple of cadets, or just crawling into bed together after a long, tiring day and staring at each other until they fall asleep.

They take what they can, when they can.

Because life never gives them a break for long.

“You leave tomorrow?”

Levi nods as he climbs into bed, straddling Mike’s lap and sitting back on his legs.

“What do you think?” Levi asks. He doesn’t have to elaborate, he knows Mike understands he’s talking about Eren, the most recent complication to befall the Survey Corps.

Mike wiggles his nose. “He’s a good kid at heart. Naive, but very spirited.”

“Sounds like trouble,” Levi sighs.

“Aren’t we always in trouble?”

Levi hums in agreement as Mike reaches up to cup his cheek, runs his thumb across Levi's bottom lip. Levi leans into his hand, watches as Mike’s eyes search his face, jaw working like he wants to say something. Levi knows what it is, thinks about saying it too sometimes, but…

Mike opens his mouth and Levi quickly puts his finger against his lips to shush him.

“No,” Levi says. “Not until all this bullshit is done. I don’t want to hear it until then.”

“What if we don’t make it?” Mike asks after a few moments.

“Don’t be morbid,” Levi says, flicking his nose. “Of course we will. We’ve survived this long”

“Mm...but what if I don’t want to wait?”

“Then show me, but don’t say it. Not yet.”

“Okay.” Mike kisses him, presses their foreheads together. “Okay,” he says again.

A promise.


End file.
